im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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