I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
