you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
