I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
