he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
