do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
