I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
