Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
