there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This baby is an asshole
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
