Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
