dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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