My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
