I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
