i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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