Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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