Where did you get a picture of my penis
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
