Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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