I bet he comes in French.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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