I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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