I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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