I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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