Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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