she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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