508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
