His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
