Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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