The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
