I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
