I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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