but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
