I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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