Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
