i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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