It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
