um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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