she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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