this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
