and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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