So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
