i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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