I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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