You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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