Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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