You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry about my life...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
