Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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