Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
