funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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