he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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