she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
