woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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