I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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