ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
