I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
